Welp. I'm down about 16 lbs. since I started.. However. I don't feel much different.. I know its a long and slow process and that 16 lbs. is a great accomplishment, but for some reason last week when I gained 4lbs and this week when I got back on the scale and saw that I had lost another 2 it didn't feel like enough to me. I've tried to get a few walks in this week.. and those definitely help and I know its not about the number but how I feel.. so why do I feel so blue about it then... I feel blah about life again.. I was feeling so good, I was losing weight and exercising.. and now.. I'm under motivated and want to eat all the chocolate and chips and everything in between.. and I'm also feeling under motivated to cook, so we've eaten tons of take out, which we don't have money for, nor does it make me feel any better...
I've also been having a lot of emotional issues with feeling lost. Hubs seems to be paying more attention to me lately.. but for some reason it feel forced to me, and I know its all in my head.. and I should appreciate it.. but I just don't feel attractive to him and feel like its just whatever.. I've also been having a lot of issues with friends, maintaining and feeling like I belong with them... My friends all talk like at least once a week.. and I'm on the outside of the group feeling like they don't need me anymore.. I couldn't tell you anything that goes on in their lives, and they don't seem to care what goes on in mine...I even have a friend that is trying to start up a cake decorating business when she knows that's what I've been pushing for, for a bit.. so where's the support in that... it goes back to that really.. support. I never really lost touch with them, or at least I didn't try too.. and I know i'm absolutely insanely busy, especially since last week was pre-school graduation, this week, hubs birthday, we have a wedding next weekend we are baking 100 cupcakes for, plus whatever else in between, oh yah and last week I had strep, plus the kids had 4 doctors appointments and I gained a new niece last week too.. so my entire weekend last weekend was spent oohing and awing and feeling baby fever harsh...
Hubs has been out of work for the last few weeks and I have 3 more weeks of him home too.. he hurt his back and is miserable... I should enjoy the time with him.. but.. I need some space I guess too...
So why do I feel so blue. Things are good.. but I'm just blah. I do have to say when I'm walking and in the zone it feels nice to get lost in my head and music and just keep pushing... and feel motivated.. blargh..
