Good Shoes = Good Support

Recently I bought new shoes, and started walking, those shoes gave me one of the worst blisters I've ever had, and over and over again that blister popped while wearing those shoes, I thought it was a fluke and that the shoes needed to be "worn in" but overall I came to conclusion that wearing my old trustee shoes are better than having a broken toe (because that is what it feels like) and a blister that continues to pop over and over again, even being bandaged. I bought new shoes because I thought I needed better support and that it would motivate me to get where I want to go. However, my old shoes, felt just as good support wise and that to me means that sometimes it's not the fit or the size but how good you feel in them. It's funny because recently I've compared my life to good shoes = good support.

I told my parent's and put it out on Facebook that I was trying to exercise and (lose weight) to be healthy (well more so the exercise on Facebook than the diet part) , everyone that I've told has been extremely supportive, especially since  I am currently down 8.5 lbs since I started this journey, but the hardest part is not my supporters, but myself. I need to be supportive of myself. It's one of the toughest parts to NOT give up.  I've recently come to understand that dieting to "obese" people is much different than those who have never really had to work at being healthy or thin. Losing 10 to even 30 lbs is completely different than losing over a 100lbs, especially to someone who has been obese their entire life. My husband has been thin his entire life and is probably at his highest, (although family has noted it's probably because I feed him). He is trying hard to be supportive, but sometimes he doesn't understand that "healthy" and "eating healthy" are two different things. He doesn't understand how "hard" it is to build up an exercise routine after being injured the way I have. He wants to be supportive but unfortunately some of his help has actually fueled me to push harder, because to him it comes "easy" but to me I know its not an easy journey, but it also makes me sad because I have to explain things or I feel like I take it out on him because I can't have that extra serving of food he just made or because I REALLY want that DQ ice cream and he got me the medium instead of the kids size, etc.. .

My emotions have been crazy lately. I've been hurt by friends (feeling like I didn't belong in my group of friends anymore, really put me over the edge and kinda put my emotions back into a grey area..)  and felt defeated more than once in this journey, already in 3 weeks. I've had to give up just eating my meals and not really thinking about what's going into my mouth and what's not.

I've been doing well with my "calorie" intake and have been walking 2-3 times a week, however, the squat challenge, defeated me, because I am to weak to start something like that right off the bat. I will try again soon, when I feel my muscles have strengthened, but It's extremely hard to jump right in.

I'm irritated and happy all at the same time. After a fight the other day, I used that energy to walk. I pushed myself to walk 3 miles instead of 2. It felt awesome and hurt all in the same. So like my shoes, support is necessary, because without it I won't get anywhere, but like my shoes, sometimes comfortable is harder to break then uncomfortable.  Tonight will be the first time I'm going out to a bar since I've started this journey. what this means is alcohol = calories, not that I'm a big drinker, but I want to go and be social, so at dinner, I felt defeated, because my husband made a very nice "breakfast" for dinner, and I had to cut his portion he gave me in half, and go to the kitchen and make a different kind of toast, because I wanted to have a good time tonight without feeling overly guilty and I'm  already praying to mother nature to give me a good hour to get a walk in in the morning so I can work those calories off already. Does this make me determined, motivated or obsessed?