It's been a week of my journey. Its had its ups and downs. Towards the end of last week I was really emotional. Having ups and downs about whether I could do this, about my relationship in general with my husband and how I can handle doing everything and still stay "sane", but when I had my doubts, I looked in the mirror and said, remember you are doing this for you, no one else but you. It seemed to help. I made it thru mothers day and 2- 4 yr olds birthday parties, and Carnival Food and still met my calorie goals fine according to the My Fitness Pal Ap. That in itself is an accomplishment to me. Even though I didn't technically "calorie" count yesterday (Mothers Day), I put the food in just to see how far I'd gone from my goal yesterday, and I was surprised to know that I still had calories to use up, even eating the coconut cream pie! This week I'm going to focus on my food choices a little more. I've had to many nights of DQ. I love to cook so I'm hoping some recipes will motivate me for some different food choices. I love salad and don't mind eating it, but as a meal it becomes a little "hard to swallow" lol for lack of a better term I guess. I'm starting to get into the water challenge a bit. I've already had 40 oz. this morning. A week ago that was unheard of. I only need 8 more oz. to meet "goal" for the day and I'm pretty sure I'll be well over that. I also started that 30 day squat challenge. I'm not sure how its going to be. I've done 30 squats so far for the day- first day is 50. I can barely walk up and down the stairs already. I'm doing modified squats- Wall squats, only because of the herniated discs in my back and already injured legs until I can build up some more strength in my overall body. I looked up how to measure my body today on pinterest. I was unsure, now I just need to find the tape measurer. I did weigh myself last Tuesday. 278 lbs. I will weigh myself again tomorrow, just to see if there is any progress, but need to remind myself, its not about the number.
I also hope to get a few more days of walking or cardio in this week. I should really set the Wii fit back up. I enjoy it. but some how its become the kids Wii and now I lack the motivation to use it. I have tons of fitness games and even if I just get 15 minutes in, its still better than nothing.
I have to remember its not just about my "fitness journey" but my overall well being. I need to find ways to deal with anger management and stress and overall sadness. I read an article last week about how sometimes taking that anger out in working out really helps keep you motivated. Maybe I'll try it. Maybe when the weather gets a bit better, I can start doing some laps in the water. I wish I could enjoy the kayaks because it would be a great upper body workout, but unfortunately fear of boats and legs that lock up and a back that doesn't like to be in that position don't allow for it.
The nice weather is coming and something that really has bothered me over the last few years is that I don't feel comfortable being on the back of the hubbys motorcycle. I feel like I'm too large for it and for good reason have a fear of the bike, but want to ride with him so desperately, but despite pain and fear I can't and it makes me sad, because I'm feeling like I'm missing out on "us" time on it with him, especially when other people (girls) ride with him. Lately, because of a dislocated shoulder and collar bone he hasn't been riding it as much, which puts me at ease, but I know once the weather gets better, he will be out there riding, and I'll be following along side in the car with the 3 kids in tow.
We booked a summer vacation to a place with 8 heated pools and mountains for the week of July 28th. Its a little over 2 months from now. I'm hoping by then to have lost some weight and to feel healthier, so that I can enjoy the resort instead of using the excuse that I'll stay back with the kids and he can go have some fun. Things to motivate me I suppose.
I bought new sneakers and workout clothes last week too. Nothing fancy, but something else to motivate me. New clothes might make me feel better about how I look when I'm working out. Silly how your brain feels that way sometimes. I know most of the time no one is watching, but you feel like everyone is, so at least if you feel like you "look: the part then maybe you won't feel so self conscious about doing it. Hope it helps. I desperately needed new sneakers anyways, and I can always use comfy capris and tanks.
Off to pick up the munchkins from school and hopefully get a walk in with them, I'd love to wait til later but I'm not sure when the hubs will be home from work as he's at a different job site today and its 2.5 hours away, should have gone this morning, but its chilly out today *and I started the squats* so maybe it will be a bit warmer when they get out. 
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